I'm just sticking with the old tried and true paper journal.
I feel good about life and things are working out.
People out of the woodwork have started coming back into my life and have told me what a great person I am
and what whatever big thing I did for them meant to them and so on.
I had no idea I touched so many people's lives in a positive way.
I may hate the human race most of the time but there are times where man deserves saving and a helping hand is needed.
I am always there to help.

It's been awhile since I last posted something.
A lot has changed since the last one.
I have taken to writing in my paper journal now as well as taking up sketching again.
I want to make a comic book series sort of on the lines of American Splendor.
I am working/living in Shreveport for the time being and so far things are alright.
I am getting along great with my kids mother.
We talk to each other almost all the time, when work and the like permits.
My kids are growing up so fast it's incredible.

I'm at a crossroads right now with a lot of things.

I got offered a job that pays quite handsomely and would take me around the world.
It is a job with inherent dangers, but the money would solve a good bit of my problems.
All I would need is to get a renewed passport and be ready to leave at a moments notice.
Not too bad.

I'm still serving in the reserves and my battalion is getting set to deploy soon. 
I have the choice of going to a few advance schools that will not only improve my skills as an electrician, but also look good on a resume as well.
From my experience, a college degree is just a piece of paper.
It's all in who you know that will secure you a job that your piece of paper says you can do.
Anyway, the advance schools will also pay pretty good and so on.

My contract is up in December for the reserves and I really want to go Active Duty.
It's a steady pay check and the benefits are amazing.
If I am forced to go on deployment with the rest of my battalion at the time of my contract ending, then I will sign an extension of my contract and rack up the money. 
I will go active duty after my tour is up.

So, should I take the contract job or go to the advance schools.
That's what I am debating right now.

Hadn't posted anything in a good while so here goes...
My deployment dates to Haiti keep getting pushed back which is great for me, because it gives me a chance to go through everything and toss what I don't need.
It also gives me time to reconnect with people I haven't spoken to in a long time.
If all of this goes through, I'll be back in time for more training, then I get about a month or so off, then I'll get shipped off to Afghanistan.
At first, Afghanistan was a volunteer duty because my contract is up in December.
I did not initially want to go, but things change.
The money is good and I feel bad for sending my guys off without being there for them.
The stress is so great, just waiting around and worrying about certain other things, that my nosebleeds have came back.
At least these are manageable and aren't as frequent as they were when I initially came back from Iraq.
In the meantime, I'm applying for odd jobs to make some miscellaneous bill paying money and what-have-you. 
I guess all of this is the calm before the storm.
Mardi Gras is going on right now and to me it's just another day.
I have too much on my mind and plate to drink myself silly and wake up with the same problems.
It's better get as much as you can done first, then relax afterward.
There's a few things I'm leaving out, not because I want to, but because all of this is spur of the moment.
I don't know when my next entry will be but for those of you who care, keep your head on a swivel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAbZzdalZh4

I'm going back to my paper journal for a bit.
I may or may not return to LiveJournal.
You can follow me at electricelohim.tumblr.com/
I will be busy with Haiti, Military Training, Work, and a "Volun-told" deployment to Afghanistan to post on here regularly.


For all of those out there who gave a shit, you know how to get in touch and so on.

It's not a "good bye" but a "see on down the dusty trail" for some, and a "See You In HELL!!!" to others.

I'm doing tedious work while I'm on military orders, but at least I'm getting paid.
I'm hitting the gym hard tomorrow.
I need to get into major-ass shape because I feel that when I'm at peak physical condition, everything will feel so much better.
I found a weight set in my shop today, and I'm taking it home with me.
Classes start tomorrow and it's about time.

On top of the usual stuff and the stuff planed out for me, I'm giving the Moby Richard a good cleaning, that is if it doesn't rain.

Drill weekend went by without a hitch.
I put in orders for 15 days of work up at the RSS to get ready for the audit and inspection we're having in February.
My Per Diem will be huge this go around and I cannot wait to get paid.

School starts Friday and I'm ready for it to begin.
I like how the first day is on a Friday, so that gives me the weekend to fix any snags that may or may not happen.
Always plan for the worst.

Nothing else to really report on.
I'm reading more, I'm writing more, I'm becoming more inspired to pursue artistic endeavors.
There is no where else to go but up.

This weird chick that I met on-line came to the house the other day wanting to watch a movie and hang out.
She pulled the oldest lines in the book.
I have no interest in this girl what-so-ever and I'm going to stamp it all down.
I am looking for a relationship, but it's sure as hell not going to be with that crazy female.
Madison is the only rational lady I've met thus far, and I hope something more comes of us.
Who knows the the future holds.

I got my student loan awards letter in the mail the other day.
I'm getting a ridiculous amount of money and it will all take care of the major bills that I have.
Classes start on the 15th and I cannot wait.

I have to wait until February to take the civil service exam, so in the mean time I'm going to find an in-between job.
With all of the training coming up, I may just get a little bullshit job to fill in the gaps.

I think I want to move to France in the future.
The Bayonne area, the "other" South of France.
I have no idea what I will do there, but for some reason I feel drawn to a place I have never been to.

Nothing really to report, other than I'm in the process of doing laundry.
I ordered a pizza today, because I didn't feel like cooking and because I haven't had pizza in a long time.
It was a "California Veggie" pizza with chicken and I loved every slice of it.
I need to get a new driver side headlight and a repair job on my engine coolant lines.
I'll have to get right on it in the morning.

I'm going to start my own "Tumblr" in order to share the weird pictures I've been taking recently.
I never realized how creepy and unique certain parts of this town are.
I suppose that's true for everyplace.

A good part of my SeaBee Combat Warfare courses will get completed this coming weekend.
If I can at least get the on-line stuff done and out of the way, I can focus on the test and board.
I'm up for promotion to First Class Petty Officer next month.
I'll take the test and if I don't get selected, at least I'll get PNA points towards my next exam in September.
By then I will more than likely have my SCWS pin and be good to go.

2010 is the year of the David.

Got back to Natchitoches after spending 4 days at Hugh's new place.
His new apartment is awesome, with a spiral stair case, and a fireplace.
We cleaned it all up and tore up the old carpet up in his bed area.
I think he said he was coming down here later today to get more of his stuff.
On Drill Weekend, I'm going to help him fix his bed area floor and maybe install laminate tile work.

I downloaded some awesome music the other day for work and for driving.
Hugh suggested I check out this list of bands and artists that he highly recommended.
After listening to a song or two by said groups, I downloaded like a mad man.
I may post a list of these bands at some point in the future.

No one has called me from work at all these last 2 days, so I'm going to assume that they want me to come in tomorrow.
Either way, I have no desire to return anytime soon.
I take my Civil Service exam on the 16th of January.
I have my drill on the days I have my exam, so I had to reschedule the exam dates.
After talking to the NOPD representative that I'll be working with, looks like I will be working in the Detective offices right off the bat.

My sister moved back to Louisiana for clinicals. 
She'll be staying in Shreveport for 2 semesters, and then she'll be a real Nurse.
As soon as her car is fixed, she said she was coming down to get her stuff.
I will believe that when I see it.

I'm helping my friend Hugh move into his new apartment either today or tomorrow.
Should be eventful. Hugh is a pretty rad dude, and from what he told me about the place, it sounds pretty awesome.
I need to buy an clothes iron at some point.
I haven't slept in a while and I don't know what the cause of that is.
Maybe it's nerves or something, I have no idea.
I need to see someone about everything.
I think it may be residual effects of things past.
I sure would like it all to stop and for me to continue on normally.

Madison and I are talking up a storm and each day I feel better about myself and our relationship.
I cannot wait until we see each other again.

One of my favorite guitarists died yesterday.
Rowland S. Howard, guitar player for The Birthday Party, among others.
It's tragic that someone so talented dies, while no-talent hacks like Lady Gaga or some other puppet is breathing.
Oh well, I'll go on a bender in his honor at some point.

After New Years, I'm hitting my SeaBee Combat Warfare books hard so I can make First Class.
I'm also going to train hard as if I'm getting deployed.
In the rather unlikely chance I do get deployed, I don't want to be huffing and puffing.
I will workout twice a day.
All I have to do is maintain discipline throughout the whole ordeal.

I can't wait for this movie to come out. This is the 21st century and I wish we all had flying cars and had teleporters. Oh well, this movie will due until all of that comes to pass.

Got some money in the bank and the job offers keep coming!!!
After the 5th of next year, I'm moving down to New Orleans to being a new life of school, work, being a father , and meeting new people!!!
No longer do I have a melancholy disposition but I"m actually excited for the things to come.
Food tastes better now, I've started working back out again, and Madison and I are at the top of the plateau of friendship.
I wrote a few songs while waiting to pay my gas bill today. I've been inspired again, and I think it's because of all the good things that are happening everyday.



The more I think about Clare, the more I realize that she is a child that will never really grow up.
She's afraid to face the fire of reality that is life.
I cannot see her being a step-mother, yet alone being the mother of future children.
I still would not mind being her friend and helping her out, but until she matures enough, I can't help but see her now as "younger sister" or as a young child.
Maybe some day in the distant future, we'll reconcile things and maybe try again, but who knows.
Right now, I'm going to keep us at the distance of Just Friends.

I had work this morning unloading the supply truck.
It went alright, nothing to write about.
Madison and I are going along great.
She has great taste in movies and music.
She is just the thing I need at this moment in my life.
I keep telling myself that everything has a way of working out.
At least that's something I can labor under.

I stayed up pretty late last night after watching "Elizabethtown" with a friend. I was surprised by how much I like the movie. Kristen Dunst's character's name was "Claire" in the movie and that drove it home for me. Her blonde hair and quirky/naive attitude just made me hurt a little bit. She made Orlando Bloom's character mix driving CD's and that too was another nail in the coffin. I really miss having someone like that. Someone who makes my problems go away for at least a bit so I can catch my breath. Someone I can talk to over the phone for a long ass time about everything and nothing.

I organized my massive amount of paperwork that I have accumulated over the past few months. I have to work later in the day, and I am not looking forward to it one bit. There have been two jobs in my life that I have absolutely despised and this is number two.

My school stuff is slowly working out and I should hear back from the NOPD real soon. My letter arrived at the office at 10am so now it's just a matter of me calling them on Friday to schedule my other tests and get my uniform issue.

Sometimes it feels like my life is just one long "Mogadishu Mile".

So I started noticing that I am slimming down and getting really cut with my new work out program. I can see my six pack coming along nicely.

I was told by a career counselor that I do not have to get deployed next year because my ESO is around them time my group gets mobilized. I'm actually going to be a real college student for once in a long ass time.

These dates I've been going on are going real well. Nothing totally serious right now, as far as a long relationship is concerned, but I have plenty of time now to look around.

Works sucks something awful and I am counting down the days until I get my new job and move out of this shitty town.

Today I talked to a girl named Madison. We're going to meet up later and watch a movie. I'm going to take this slow and I hope something good can come out of it.

I still want to be friends with Clare. She did more for me than she will ever know. I want her to be happy and to prosper. I plan on talking to her about all of these things and more when we meet up for lunch in New Orleans.

Taken from my FACEBOOK.

This whole day was spent at a bar in town. I had a few drinks, but didn't get drunk at all. The rest of the time was spent telling my problems to the bar tender and to the people around me. I became the center of attention, as people began giving me advice on how to move on and move up.

After the bar, I went to a friend's house to eat some food and hang out for a bit. I kept to myself for the most part, but I got along with everybody. It was great just to be around people who all got along and were friendly.

I got home and got ready for bed. I called Clare before I officially try and go to sleep. We had a discussion about why we weren't going to work out. I am too old, too military, too cynical, too unpopular, etc.

Apparently, people can fall in and out of love with other people like the flipping of a switch. After opening up and spilling my heart to her, it all fell short. She said I was too misanthropic, and now she's right. I hate her for stringing me along and giving me hope like that. Nietzsche was right on the money like always.

I am too tired and too pissed to type anything else.

This evening, I am spending time with about 3 people and I have no idea who they really are. They were all nice to invite me to eat dinner with them. Before I came to the house, I spent the entire day at the bar. I bought 2 drinks and just sat at a table in the back. I was then asked to come up to the bar and do about 2 shots. It was not too bad of a day, in that I met a few new people and we talked about our lives. Pretty random, but still. The next few days should be better or at least I will try and make it through the day and night without any problems. I'm going to work on the house to take my mind off of all of this. Distraction is the best medicine in this particular case I think.

I went to bed around 0230hrs. and here it is 0740hrs. and I cannot go back to sleep. For a split second, something had woke me up but it wasn't a noise or anything. It wasn't a dream or what-have-you either. Oh well, whatever it was, I am fully awake now. I have no idea what I am going to do for Thanksgiving. This whole deal with not being with anybody for the holidays sucks something awful. I'll try and figure out something to do.

At 0845hrs., I took a shower, because it was the only thing I could think of doing at the moment, other than laying in my bed with my hoodie and sweat pants on. I turned on the heater/vent light and turned the heater part on this time. Straight hot water this time, not a single turn of the right handle. I stood in the water thinking about all kinds of things. I'm not going to go into detail because it would take all day to describe everything.

I had a dream last night that I was in full battle dress, walking down the street I live on, at around either sunset or sunrise. At first, I could see my self in second-person view, which was weird to say the least. I looked like I had been out in the field for days, with my face unshaven and dirty, and my hair shaggy and unkempt. I look at my wearied self as he/I looked lost and unsure as to where he/I was going. My second self had this look on his face that he was looking for a specific thing, which I couldn't help find for some reason. I tried talking to myself, but it didn't work. He turned his back to look down the road and just stood there. Suddenly I was sicked into myself and I saw through my own eyes. The weight of the armor, weapon, ammo, med-kit, everything was mine. I could feel myself beginning to sweat from either being scared, the burden of my load, the heat from the desert where I came from, all of the above or none of the above, it was all strange.

Suddenly, I saw someone running at the end of the street to the adjacent street in front of me. I ran after them and began shouting for that person the "Stop!" and "Wait!". I chased that person to the other street but lost them. In a frantic search, I stopped and scanned the horizon for movement. Something caught the corner of my eye, so I ran to it. It was in a house I had only seen in real life, but never entered it. I ran to the door, kicked it in, and began shouting. On the coffee table, in the living room, I found my field wallet laying there. I picked it up, opened it up, and laid its contents on the table. There was an American flag patch, a picture of Clare, a picture of my kids, and a folded piece of paper. I opened the paper and I wish I could remember what was on it. Suddenly, something jumped me and I woke up for a bit.

Weird dreams aside, I've been waking up earlier and earlier for these past few days, and feel like total garbage. Oh well, today is Turkey Day and it can burn for all I care.

Taken from my FACEBOOK



I've noticed that I have not been eating as much as I use to. I'm trying my hardest to eat more, but it's hard. I've been in the doldrums for a good while, and this situation with Clare really sent me over the cliff. I have never felt like this over someone in my entire life. This is slow and agonizing, and I hate the way it all makes me feel. To tell someone how you feel is different than actually experiencing what you tell them. I'm beating this stuff over the head really hard, but I feel trapped and have nothing else to do. I cannot watch or listen to anything without either feeling pissed off or morose or both.

Last night, as I walked home, I thought about the past, the present, and the future. I thought about how I would have done this or that to change my situation. I thought about whether or not I should call Clare just to hear her voice and have her tell me about her day. I've become so accustomed to our nightly ritual of talking to each other before we went to bed, that I don't know how else to go to sleep without hearing her voice and knowing she is safe. I thought about what I was going to do in order to get ready for my school, deployment, and how I am going to get rid of all of my stuff. I thought about after I got back from deployment, what I was going to do with my life. I have goals in my head as to what I want to happen, but best made plans and so on.

My sister and I have talked more on the phone about just about everything. She can be very insightful sometimes and I have started to take what she offers in advice to heart. We have never talked like this before, but I'm glad that our relationship is Walking everywhere really makes me think all across the board, instead of me staying inside my house and dwelling on negative. My sister was right about how I have been bottling up everything inside for so long, that this situation was the spillage. Again, walking has helped me out a lot.

I might be pounding this in the ground, but I don't know how to handle this all. I can deal with bullets, bombs, physical hardship, etc. but this is different. I don't know what tools to use to fix this. I don't know what else to do, but try and soldier on. I wish I had a switch to just turn all of this off.